They say sleep comes easily to the innocent ... I wonder what is so plaguing my thoughts and keeps me so restlessly awake. I can't deny aching for the loving touch of a woman, my woman.  Is that why I'm awake? Sins of the flesh wrecking my nerves and awaking my soul? If I'm honest I would have thought that these desires would have long subsided in my more mature years, but hot diggeity dog, it's as if I've just been awaken and my hands, my mouth, my senses are on alert. I long for those slow nights of  need, when I could watch a thin film of sweat shimmer  on her body through the shades. The slow easy build up of growing passion that every so often took us far enough as to leave us breathless. More often than not it led to a that wicked deep tension and that oh so wonderful release.  A woman's body is an amazing thing. The ability to steer it for just a while, the trust given to awaken and command it and the satisfaction of having been the stimulus for the flow,the slippery moisture, well, that's a present we sure give and take of each other.  God bless the woman who comes to bed each and every night as if prepared,to share in their lovers fantasies. I'd like to order of of those please. A woman who assumes a yes is the answer.... A woman who comes dressed to entice... A woman who comes to bed with that clean soapy fresh smell, before the deeper thicker musky smell arises. It makes you feel like she actually cares about your fantasies.... Fantasies... So many, to many, too sorted and detailed to write about... Femme, butch, futch, what difference does these titles hold when the end goal is feeling like you are exactly where you are supposed to be... I'll hold you and you hold me, and I'll take you, and guide you if you need, show you when I need, and let you roam when you feel safe...and we'll skip the titles and just indulge. I don't want much, but for those couple of hours I want it all. I'm greedy like that. Shame and shyness are out the door ...give me what you've only dream of giving, I'll take it all without hesitation, I'm good at taking love, I thrive on love... Just make it last a while... Let me love for a while. Ok, my thoughts have long since strayed from the innocent...I envision the soft downy hair on her back, the arch of her back as I drip this warm candle wax ....the tangled jungle I happily part, no sign of a child, instead all woman;  Ah hell, I'm just lonely for physical touch, the idea of love in the dark doesn't work for me...so I'm lonely for contact...and I dream of that first touch again and again... I wonder when we collectively became afraid of saying those words, I'm lonely ... Not the same as live with me now, move in and adapt to my ways, it doesn't mean act like a hussy and just do whatever with whomever, it doesn't say I am ashamed...it says I've lived, I've lost, I've grown, I long for something more than I had before... And even now, the rivers flow when the rain falls.... And it's falling, and flowing...and it's ok to desire and need.... spiraling thoughts  of soft opening thighs, tender folds, of whispered instructions,   of gentle pleads and demanding   sighs...  I guess this is why I can't sleep.....

This Woman She laid long and slender next to me. Her body at once both strong and soft. She laid quietly, submissively, as my hands roamed the curves and valleys of her body. She offered no resistance to my explorations Her lips and tongue engaged Normally, my mind would race in anticipation of the steps to follow ... But this last night, it was her hardened large nipples that distracted me, And her soft mound of wild long hair that I focused on... Here's the surprise ... No soft moans escaped her lips, No intake of breathe suggesting her anticipation of my successful treasure hunt No arching of encouragement pushing my hands further, or suggesting my fingers explore No leaning in... And I wonder, so why offer this submission, Why slide your panties off when you snuggled up so close to me.. Why close your beautiful eyes and suggest passion... Why, when in fact you are so clearly bored. Now I'm bored too

The day started out with all the motivation to straighten up the place with hopes of feeling better about getting that out of the way.... Well, my progress report at the end of the day clearly shows the laundry got done. Think about that for a second. The laundry got done. It's not like I personally stand and hand wash each piece, I stick the clothes in the washer and and hour later, it's all ready for the dryer. Easy peasy. Still, I take full credit for having done THAT today. What I didn't do was the vacuuming, wiping down the cupboards and 'stuff'' , I didn't do the oven -it's not really dirty- just maintenance clean up and I didn't clip the pups (they probably nice and Waern with their fuzzy fur- I tell myself!) Soooo, now, I made some truly funky mix of food, fried chicken, polenta and green beans - who eats that? Me. I cook to satisfy me. The polenta is soo good. ...got some nice peace and quiet, it's still dark and cold and rainy outside, got some warm food, it's time to dig in, grind 'em, partake of my dinner. Bless me oh Lord for these thy gifts which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Chist Our Lord, amen. I pray my mother father brother and sister have a meal as good or better than the one I'm about to receive. Ps Lord, mom don't eat much anymore, dad is in heaven with you, my brother probably needs a lot of food any my sisha is anorexic. I pray my dear ones here and her kids have a good meal tonight. I pray to slow down how quickly I eat my meal. I need a good movie tonight, and looking forward to a conversation with a crazy spontaneous artist I recently met. I think she'll have tea while I have wine! Green tea will do!? One more cold December days down.... A bunch to go until the new year and new dreams start.