sleepless nite.roller coaster in my head

Hmmm, this is actually the first time i am writing a diary

Maybe I just feel a little bit restless and lost recently

A lot of thought is going on in my head, it just seems like an uncontrollable roller coaster that is crashing every part of my brain’

I know I have been complaining a lot about  my work recently, I know I am not perfect, I know I am too quiet sometime, I know I am not confidence enough…. I know all these things, but sometime I just feel a little bit tired to see all the bad parts of me…  Should I keep doing project management, or should I focus on technical part. Or maybe I can do both, as I said to her, I want to be technical expert which is good in leading and technical. Maybe this hat is to high, but they think it is achieveable.

A lot of my colleagues told me I am very clever, hardworking, determine….. But how come I still don’t have confident on myself… Maybe I am trying to achieve too much at such a young age, or maybe it is hard to be the best all the time. Some part of my hearth has changed recently, I was always trying to do my best, and never thought about be the best. But started in recent years, I just want to be the best in a lot of thing. Hmmmm… maybe it is easier to try my best instead of thinking how to be the best.

I am quite lost on my personality now. Sometime I even asked myself who I am. I still remember three years ago I was only a very naïve person, and wasn’t confidence on myself in a lot of different aspects. But I am more talkative now, louder, a little bit arrogant sometime…am I the one that who I want to be? Hey brother, if you are in heaven, please tell me what I did are right or wrong... you are the one who triggered the revolution inside my small universe... right is too short.. i should enjoy when i still can. So stop complaining :P

Life in Sweden isn’t good, I feel a little bit lonely sometime. Just feel like drowning in the water and no one would be able to save me from the water. Hmmmm….. waiting someone to safe me? I think it is easier to safe myself out of it. It’s really not easy to find a right guy to meet; no one would bother to like me.  Or am I too picky?

God…. What I have been writing!!! What a messed!!! Whatever, I have been very independent all these years, and gone through some big and small waves. It is quite normal to have some off times. But please remember, you are the one who control your life, you can drive your life to any direction you want to be!!! Ken you are a driver and you should drive yourself to achieve what you want. And not complaining this and that and make people think like you are a bottleneck!!! Am I in bottleneck now? Yeah maybe I am, but I wouldn’t let myself to stay at this stage for long. Believes me I would back to normal very soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

But hm,mmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. I really need my holiday!!!

Ok stop complaining and you should go to bed. Life is so beautiful. Love the one who love you, and love the one who hate you too. And make them love you as well!!!