After the annual White Night in TLV (the city is awake for the whale night, everything is open, many street shows, street parties and lots of fun), came the big Tel Avivian water war in Rabin Square. This is the Israeli response to the stressed day-by-day life in the country (although it seems that TLV is a bubble of joy in Israel and nothing can penetrate the good atmosphere, not even a war or a terror attack).

And what shell I say, while I'm still here in Romania, studying hard (or hardly studying) for my last exam and I miss all the fun? Well, It's fun for me just to see the videos of so many people, happy, stressless and shirtless.

Take a look, and more important - come to visit!

I think that if you will confront me in front of the question “are you gay?” or “what is your religious beliefs?” I will find the second question much harder to face and to answer.  Religious people will surly find this religious dilemma easy to answer, and you know what – bisexual or gay people will find the orientation dilemma easy to answer to. It’s either you like guys or not, or either you believe in god and pay your duties to the religion or not. And what about people that are both religious and bisexual/homosexual?

 

I was brought up in Israel, which is for sure a religious country, less now then it use to be in the end of the 80’s and the 90’s – the years of my childhood. The Jewish belief was in front of me all the time – in kindergarten, in elementary school, at home, with my friends – everything. Moving from one holiday to the other, from one Brith/Bar Mitzva/Wedding/Shabath-hatan to the other, from one Friday at school (when we use to put on our Kippa and to receive the Shabath with a prayer) to the sounds of the Synagogue in my street. So in my childhood, the religious believes was inserted in the every-day behavior (wash the hands 3 times with the special prayer before eating, after eating, before going into the toilet and after, when you get up etc) and the day-by-day language (sayings like “toda la’el” – thanks god or “beruch ha’shem” – preys to the lord).

 

And then, when I turned 13, the most important event in a Jewish boy’s life occurs – your Bar Mitzva. You accept upon yourself the Jewish values, you are a grown up according to the Jewish law, and your father say about you – “Baruch she p’taranu me onsho shel ze” – thanks god that we got rid of his burden (want to say – he is a grown up now).

 

It is much harder for me to say “I’m an atheist” then to say “I’m bisexual”. But I am an atheist, in the closet.

When I was young, my grandma always told me “your grandpa up there is guarding you”, and it was easy for me to believe so. I had a guardian walking above me all the time. It wasn’t god, or a profit – it was my grandpa. And so I still believe. It is easy for me to say the I’m alive today thanks to him, because I was in 9 events in which I was in front of the death and something happened and I was saved. It is easier for me to believe in that then to start analyzing the event.

 

So yeh, I’m an atheist. But please, ask me if I’m gay or not – it’s much easier for me to answer.

Like I told you before, I’m not the average gay bar “Hi, what’s your name? Let’s go to bed” type.

I’m more like “Hi Mike, would you spend your life with me? Could you wake up next to me and tell me it’s all right? And then you’ll go to work and I can play some piano till the afternoon?”

Meeting people is a dangerous thing, I guess. The hole they leave is far too big to fill with food or beer or songs you write to ease your mind. Now it’s 9 and I just have to wait till 4 before I call you. And the seconds before you answer will hurt…fuck. This is hard. This is not fun. But I am addicted. Till the one will come…someday he’ll come along, the man I love and he’ll be what I want the man I love. Mike, are you still there? Did you sleep well? Ho come you’re so cool about it?

I told you kid; you always want what you can’t have. Someday he’ll come along, the man I love…bla bla bla. You’re funny. You just make me laugh. Pathetic. Mike – are you still there? Did you sleep well? How come you’re so cool about it? I wish I could be that way…I whish I could be that way…I wish///

 

Have a great day everyone, I’m going back to study.