Lately I came to realization that I use porn too much, and it may (or many not) become an addiction. Anyways, I’m prone to addictions from the first place – cigarettes, I had the alcohol period (high school…oj…) and falling in love with unreachable people is my newest addiction since 2 years ago. But in my defense I must say that my addictions are usually moderate and controllable. Well, except of the cigarettes part, which is a problem cause I actually like smoking. But I know that these are my last weeks as a smoker. I promised myself. Well, back to the topic – porn. How it developed, I ask myself, and the answer has to be philosophical and life-analytic. So the answer is – it’s a replacement. It’s a replacement for a man’s body in my bed, for a cock, for the mutual heat and for the desire. I sleep with 4 pillows - one on which I actually sleep, one I use when I'm reading in bed and the other 2 - to hug during the night, which somehow makes my falling-a-sleep process easier. In general, I noticed, that when I'm hugging something (a shirt, my bag, a pillow) it means that I'm yearning for a mans touch.

My weakest points are the mornings and the evenings, before falling asleep. Or let it be defined differently – every time I’m lying in my bed, conscious. Lately though I noticed, that I have a new-old figure in my mind, and my self-sexy-time starts with porn (Google-long gay porn-find something which looks promising-double click-there you go) but ends completely different! I actually close my computer, finding the most comfortable position in my bed, close my eyes and imagine him. The orgasms became much better, one must admit. But no, porn as a substitute is not a bad one, but in the time it’s not sufficient and you loos interest quickly. When you reach that understanding? When you enter your favorite site an you get angry that they don’t put new videos there for you.

Although having this new-old fantasy boy on my mind it’s nice and fun, especially when you know the guy in person – it can be confusing. So very much.

Maybe it's because I am slow to initiate study genetics or maybe because I got up feeling a bit horny. I do not talk much about it usually, a bit old fashion of me, I know, but this is how I am. Only with whom I really feel open with, I let myself go wild.

So here is my private opinion: Sex is important in a relationship. Sex is the greatest intimacy level, during which we shut down the whole system of mental and physical defenses / emotional (all sorts of emotional inferiority various types) and giving ourselves to the other's nude body. The body temperature, the wild passion, the loss of control ending with the Ninth symphony of unbridled orgasm.

Go to bed with someone you love, wake up in the middle of the night just because you somehow felt he woke up and opened his eyes. Send your hands toward the heat source; stroke the bare chest ...dwell on every nipple, launch your lips on his skin, touching - not touching, stroking gently with your lips ... want to feel everything. Make him stretch back, surrender completely to the pleasure you’re going to give him ... all the senses are participating in this royal ball ... the ear, as a veteran intelligence officer, listening to the breathing sounds reinforcing, the heartbeat on the chest wall, the throat produces involuntary sounds of pleasure. Tactile touch works every time - feel the topography of the body, the smallest feature, the muscle that contracts with pleasure, and his manhood waiting for special treatment.

Smell the sensual madness, feel the air molecules, pheromones are released only in those moments, causing a particular excitement for all the senses, more than ever. Sight is the only handicap sense and plays dual roles - a side – with it the carnival can be fun, and without it another sexual carnival can be felt - and sometimes even more exciting ...

Want to give all my love to you. To let him know that for me he’s the king, the prince and heir to the throne. I'll give him everything, my all, all I could give, all I could do to please him. What I’ve learned, I’ll teach him. What I’ve got, I’ll give him, 10 times more. This is the essence of love. To know what I could have, but to want to give it to him even more. You can make me feel so safe; to destroy the protective wall I built around me. I want to sleep with you, put your head on my chest, and listen to my breathing and to the bizarre fact that I speak another language in my sleep.

Sex is a beautiful symphony, which involves so many systems and instruments before the race is over again, but in the starting line.

Well, I’m fucking around enough with genetics (haha).

Have a lovely day everyone :-)