My beliefs

I think that if you will confront me in front of the question “are you gay?” or “what is your religious beliefs?” I will find the second question much harder to face and to answer.  Religious people will surly find this religious dilemma easy to answer, and you know what – bisexual or gay people will find the orientation dilemma easy to answer to. It’s either you like guys or not, or either you believe in god and pay your duties to the religion or not. And what about people that are both religious and bisexual/homosexual?

I was brought up in Israel, which is for sure a religious country, less now then it use to be in the end of the 80’s and the 90’s – the years of my childhood. The Jewish belief was in front of me all the time – in kindergarten, in elementary school, at home, with my friends – everything. Moving from one holiday to the other, from one Brith/Bar Mitzva/Wedding/Shabath-hatan to the other, from one Friday at school (when we use to put on our Kippa and to receive the Shabath with a prayer) to the sounds of the Synagogue in my street. So in my childhood, the religious believes was inserted in the every-day behavior (wash the hands 3 times with the special prayer before eating, after eating, before going into the toilet and after, when you get up etc) and the day-by-day language (sayings like “toda la’el” – thanks god or “beruch ha’shem” – preys to the lord).

And then, when I turned 13, the most important event in a Jewish boy’s life occurs – your Bar Mitzva. You accept upon yourself the Jewish values, you are a grown up according to the Jewish law, and your father say about you – “Baruch she p’taranu me onsho shel ze” – thanks god that we got rid of his burden (want to say – he is a grown up now).

It is much harder for me to say “I’m an atheist” then to say “I’m bisexual”. But I am an atheist, in the closet.

When I was young, my grandma always told me “your grandpa up there is guarding you”, and it was easy for me to believe so. I had a guardian walking above me all the time. It wasn’t god, or a profit – it was my grandpa. And so I still believe. It is easy for me to say the I’m alive today thanks to him, because I was in 9 events in which I was in front of the death and something happened and I was saved. It is easier for me to believe in that then to start analyzing the event.

So yeh, I’m an atheist. But please, ask me if I’m gay or not – it’s much easier for me to answer.