A breakup or a thwarted love is like a second-degree burn.
A second-degree burn is a tricky burn to handle if you got it. From one side, it’s usually not a life-threatening situation; it leaves a minor (but visible) scar and it heals relatively faster than a first-degree burn. But unlike first-degree burn, when only the most superficial layer of the skin is affected, this burn involves the second layer as well, the livable layer, which is rich in nerve-endings and it hurts. A lot. Like you want to die.
So as a breakup or a thwarted love. I didn’t went through the first case, only the second recently so I’ll talk only about it.
I believe that a thwarted love, especially if it involved some sort of physical connection between the two, hurts. Burns. As time passes, according to the famous Hebrew saying – far from the eye, far from the heart, the pain level goes down but the scar is always there. And whenever you’ll touch the scar, it will hurt as much as it hurt at the first time.
A second-degree emotional burn can be characterized by two clinical stages:The acute phase, in which it hurts so much that you want to die. You truly believe that you will never feel anything similar to any other man as you feel to him. You truly believe that the pain is permanent. You think about him all the time. You imagine him in your dream. His smell is everywhere. You buy the soap he uses on purpose just for his smell to escort you throughout the day (Palmolive Naturals Body Wash Milk & Olive Shower Gel). You wish you could turn back time, to avoid all the mistakes made by you. You truly think he is perfect for you, and from now on you’ll need to compromise on others. You wish you could live on another planet, just not to see him again cause it hurts too much. The chronic phase is characterized by what is called “pinches of memory”. The chronic phase, as the name suggests, is chronic. For life. Sometimes the symptoms aggregate, sometimes relived.
Pinches the memory are those moments that come without warning, while something in the open space reminds you of him.
Pinches of memory are the most painful of all, which can ruin a perfect day at worst, or make you think long at best. They come without warning, so you cannot avoid them. The pinching pain is directly proportional to the level of love you felt for him, the same good old love.
You can consciously ignore them; melt them in your daily life, but the brain is wise - missed thoughts go straight to the biological-emotional voicemail somewhere in the occipital lobe of the brain, back there, and this voicemail drains at night, into your dreams. The pinch will keep you awake, and wont give you rest.
All the words that disappeared, we’ll find them in the dreams. All the melted moments will appear as images returning to the open wound.
Pinches of memory are the result of a grief - which is the result of a significant relationship or feeling that ended.
Do not confuse pinches of memory with a twinge of envy - the difference is significant. Jealousy has a sense of frustration of the person and in extreme cases it can produce even facial expressions. The difference between pinches of memory and jealousy is that jealousy might spur a man to become more sophisticated; to develop himself and the base of it stands in front of one's competitiveness. A pinch is a pinch. Painful. Mourning about something good that has gone. A pinch does not bring anything positive as development and improvement.
Do not be misled to think that finding a replacement will take the pinch to another continent, and you’ll see it only during your visit there. If the pinch is frequent, finding a replacement will hurt the substitute itself.
Indisputable rule that I learned through my own experience is the pinches of memory always come after a love came to an end, in direct proportion to the happiness and joy you’ve been pleasured with. If you knew a true love in your life, one that led you to heights of happiness and greatness you didn’t thing was reachable, you should make enough space to those pinches of memory, they are going to be permanent guests in your guest room, they drink espresso with a bit of sugar and milk, thank you. The aim of the pinching of memory is to harm the bleeding wound that wants to heal, make it difficult for the loving heart, desires for rehabilitation, and now it stands empty, trying to muster his forces and make the newly broken relationship to become a history.
After a long journey, I can say – he will never be mine. He never was. I know that now. But what I felt (and still feel) for him cannot be taken away from me. I want to embrace it, to learn from it. It was sweet, it was pure. When he called me to help him when he was in a dangerous situation, I came right at time, because I couldn’t stand the idea that he’s afraid. I want to have it again. To feel it again towards someone. And I will.
but I’ll never forget.
I loved him greatly. I love him still. He was my first, my very first. He will be with me, in my heart forever.
I'm on the border between the acute phase and the chronic phase. I am having a hard time, because guys a hitting on me, very nice, beautiful, intelligent guys, but I feel like I cannot do it. I just can't go on with another, I can't even show so much love to another, that he's not him. But this too shall pass. I just need to let it pass. I'm no there yet.
With love and respect – to you.